I’m not a princess but I always wanted to be one. I always wanted my prince charming to come and save me from my life’s problems.
That was 10 years ago.
Who am I?
I’m still not a princess and I don’t need saving. I have however become dependent on many people over the course of my school and college years.
I had my first and only relationship when I was 15 years of age and I decided to break up 11 months after we got together. I had known him for almost 5 years. He was my first crush and he was everything I wanted.
So where did IT all go wrong?
Turns out, we must be very careful about what we wish for. People change and we see sides that we were entirely blind to.
I do not regret the relationship but boy, do I wish I had thought more about the decisions I had made.
It’ll be 6 years since our break up and even though he found someone really nice, I’m still single.
Does it bother me?
Yes, it does a little and on some nights I get super anxious about it too.
But these 5+ years have done something to me that I hadn’t expected.
I actually have very few emotional needs. I need Attention, and I am very thankful to my best friends(Sam & Mio) for treating me like a princess when it comes to this.
I need to form an emotional connection with someone if I were to consider them my friend(true). Even though I seem to be extremely extroverted and have a lot of friends, there are very few who fit that list. A handful of 2 or 3 in hostel, 2 best friends, 2 school friends and someone I had known even before I had met him.
I feel like I’m on The Ellen DeGeneres Show (internally screaming).
I know I cannot survive alone. I thrive on conversations with humans and I need to be a part of the crowd too (sometimes).
I’m super nice but I can get pretty bitchy too.
(Is it just me or all girls who study in all girls schools like this?)
I am possessive about the people I have in my life. I was a very kind and sharing person when it came to relationships but not anymore motherfuckers!
He/She is mine. Back off.
I know it sounds immature and naive but over the past few years I’ve really learnt to value friendship(thank you Sam).
I happen to love anime (Full metal alchemist: Brotherhood FTW). This could be the primary reason why I’m so upfront about my feelings. (Anime female leads who always confess their feelings). I came up with the alias Miyuki Yamaki because I loved(love: still do) anime.
I do not encourage lying about one’s feelings. Your mental peace should be valued over everything else.
People will come, they will leave. No one’s destined to stay with you till death anyway(or are they?).
They say nothing lasts forever, but I’m a firm believer in the fact that for some, love lives on even after we’re gone. -Cecilia Ahern
As a result of too many temporary events, friendships, connections(yep that too) and affairs, I come to firmly believe that no matter what happens Life goes on (in a good sense, not just to console myself). Even though I have had my fair share of mishaps and mistakes, I love giving, helping out. What do I get in return? Nothing(most of the times). Does it stop me? Absolutely not.
I love doing this. Spreading energy! Even though people worry about my mental health that eventually I will run out of this and it will suffocate me. I know it won’t (over confidence). For those who know me pretty well, “I’m never wrong guys (99.5%)”.
I have extremely strong intuitions especially after a certain person came into my life and now he works like a catalyst.
I thrive on creepy and paranormal information. For some very absurd reason, I am attracted to people who are “not okay”. Sometimes I help them find closure. These vibes and energy is what probably draws me to them.
I will tell you who saves me. I save myself (with help of Krishna). My faith is what protects me, what saves me and what guides me.
So what is my purpose on this planet?
I’m still do not know. However I choose to believe that I’m supposed to believe in people when they have a hard time doing it themselves(right Sam?).
I crave kisses, hugs and tender moments but I’m too scared to make a commitment to someone I am not sure about.
My fellow humans, do not do this to anyone or yourself. It’s more toxic than having a fairy tale (unconditional) crush/love or whatever it may be or what it may seem!
I will tell you why I choose to help(I don’t think I save people but I try to) people, it’s because it helps me. Maybe I need it more than they do and in an effort to help others, I help my soul. That’s how I find closure.
FAQ
What is love?
Unconditional support through thick and thin.
What is hate?
Making oneself feel like drowning the other person in boiling oil (ouch). Honestly though, best way to treat someone with hate is to ignore their existence.(I am pro at this)
Do pharmacists become chemists?
…
Why are you single?
Because I happen to like like very few people. So it’s either them or no one. No compromises. Built myself strong enough to avoid rebounds. If it’s not them I don’t say Yes to any guy who likes me. Also I do not like being available to everyone. It’s a tough job but I do it anyway(It’s tough believe me, being connected to someone for 5 years, then breaking it off and after that I’m still single).
Keep believing okay? It always gets better.
I believe in forevers, call me old fashioned and delusional. But it is what it is. I do not like the idea of casual relationships,flings, affairs or whatever you may call it. Just Nope.
But don’t be me. (Look how I’ve ended up so far :/)
P.S. : Never take relationship advice from your friends who have never been in one (I know they mean well but just no, trust me.)
P.S.S. : Choose people who choose you!
Also (gaawar/ self-confidence alert) I could be the best thing that could happen to you!